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How do I get my partner to get it on safely?

If you enjoy penetration, condoms your best protection against HIV. There’s a huge variety of types out there, and water based lubricant not only makes them feel much better, it reduces the chance they’ll break.

If you want to start talking about condoms with your partner:

Try testing the subject out with your friends first. You’ll feel more comfortable if you’ve already talked about it and you’re confident about what you want and what your limits are.

Bring it up when you and your partner are alone, feeling comfortable and free of tension. You might find there’s less pressure if you talk when you’re not already feeling sexy, and there won't be a mood to break.

If you decide to bring it up as you start having sex, make sure you've got a handle on the situation and you won't get carried away in the excitement.

You can try one of these opening lines:

I use condoms and lube, always have. It just makes sense.

I’d love to have sex with you. And don’t worry, I've got some safer sex supplies at home.

(Don’t say anything. Have one nearby and when it starts to get hot, reach out, pick it up, and wave it in the air. Then smile and start opening the packet. Either you can put it on him or you can hand it over and grab the lube for yourself.)

This is awkward for me, but I’ve been thinking it would be a good idea for us to start using condoms and lubricant. There's a lot of stuff out there, and it would make me feel safe. What do you think?

I thought you said you didn’t want to be a father. Come on then, prove it.

Have I told you I always use condoms and lube? My favorites are ____. Which ones do you like?

I was talking to some friends the other day and they’re all using condoms and lube, just to be safe. I think it makes a lot of sense. How about you?

Look what I bought for us to try today!

The whole AIDS thing has gotten me nervous. I decided I wasn’t going to give up sex, so I use condoms and lube every time.

Listen; if we’re going any further, let’s get a condom and some lubricant.

I want to be inside you … (As you say this, put a condom on.)

If they refuse…
Don’t give in. They’ll probably come around. Most people will choose sex with a condom over no sex at all. Promise them a reward they can’t resist. Or maybe it’s time for a long talk, not sex. Your own confidence and commitment to using condoms can help get you through the situation. You can still have sex later when you're both on the same wavelength.

And at the worst…

Show them the door. If your partner refuses to wear a condom when you are offering them intimacy, hot sex… after you've explained why you use them, after you've tried your best to accommodate them, then let’s face it : you’re no worse off without them. You’re lucky you found out so soon.

Maybe they'll call you later, apologize, and be ready to talk about it. If not, good riddance! You and your fabulous self deserve to be protected.

Adapted from Girls Night Out, Chicago Women’s AIDS Project